Home For Easter

When children lose a parent, no matter when, it is tremendously sad. At a holiday, especially one that we think of as a special time for children, one that by its very origin means new life, it seems especially cruel. We cannot help but think forward to future holidays that will be forever linked with a painful loss.

And yet, could there be a more meaningful or powerful time of year in the Christian faith for a loved one to die? Can the daily changing landscape of new life remind us of the continuity of life, our lives, our rebirth? Is there a measure of solace to be found in the Easter Story?

This Easter, we know of three small children who lost their Dad. Only forty-four, he had seemed to be healthy, until he died on Thursday. His wife had to plan a funeral for Easter Monday.

Upon reflection, this story is too frequently told in our newspapers and on the evening news; it just really hits home when it is someone you know personally. Such as...

• my friend, who was a Dad out for an evening run at age 38; he was found by a neighbor, the week before Christmas. He left a wife with three small daughters.
• my friend and former co-worker, a Dad in his forties, at home with his teenaged son, who started CPR to no avail. He left a wife with a teenaged daughter and son.

And now, another friend with whom I worked, who always glowed with stories of his two sons and then their young daughter. The soldier, Boy Scout Leader, active church volunteer, loving husband, responsible employee....and Dad. We hope that his family will find comfort and reassurance in the Easter Story, this year and every year.

We will miss you, Brian.

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Acceptance Empowers. How Not To Fear Change

Acceptance Empowers. How Not To Fear Change

Acceptance can be the first step in recovering from a loss, and often is the hardest.

Have you ever felt like a victim, or that life is treating you unfairly? It is easy to, when we are conditioned to expect the best life has to offer. Before we even realize it, we resist change rather than accepting that cycles of change are a normal part of our lives. Often in hindsight, that unwanted change (anything we did not choose, plan, or control)brings an opportunity. And we will miss that opportunity if we expend all our energy in avoiding the change that is to come with or without our acceptance!

Our primitive emotional response is to view change as a threat. And denial is also a deeply programmed response that protects us when we face trauma or shock. But there are times when it does not serve us well at all. When we use denial to avoid facing a painful truth, we can harm ourselves or others. When denial becomes a pattern of coping, you may be left exposed and unprepared.

Amazingly, change occurs despite our ability to accept it. Wouldn't the energy spent masking truth be better channeled to deal with the circumstances you are facing?

Acceptance is not "giving up"; it is seeing things as they are, not as we wish they were or hope they will become. Sometimes the very act of recognizing a problem opens the way for you to create a different outcome! Your energy can be re-directed towards creating a solution, plan, or an alternative to the one you most fear.

• Fear fuels denial; trust allows acceptance.


• Trusting that you will be able handle whatever comes is a powerful piece of acceptance.


• Acceptance allows you to take some form of action, and


• Action is in itself therapeutic, empowering, and moves you forward, away from feeling like a powerless victim.

Even when you are tempted by denial, your body and subconscious mind are never fooled. Problems with appetite, sleep, relationships or stress may be clues you are avoiding the truth about something in your life. Denial never made real problems or unwanted changes disappear, but delayed action can have a tremendous impact on the outcome of that change. Health issues are one example.

Acceptance is empowering; denial gives your power away to whomever or whatever you are holding on to. For me, that is a great motivator for leting go! Acceptance moves your forward, denial holds you back. Do you choose to be a victim of your past, or a creator of your future? The change you fear may ultimately reveal a “silver lining”!